Know Your Stars: FMA Style
by Insanatrix
Summary: Title says it all. Beware of my evil parodies! First fic at FMA section, so please bear with me! R&R! Rated T for swearing and disturbing topics in later chapters.
1. Victim 1: Edward Elric

Know Your Star: FMA Style

Me: Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars….

Ed: Hello? Anyone here?

Me: Edward Elric….He secretly loves Winry….

Ed: NO! I WILL NEVER LOVE THAT UGLY BITCH!

Winry: Who're you calling a bitch? (Throws wrench)

Ed: (Gets hit by wrench) (Crowd laughs)

Me: Ed….Secretly loves being taunted by Taisa because he loves being called a pipsqueak…

Ed: WHO'RE YOU CALLING A PIPSQUEAK SO SMALL THAT IT CAN DROWN IN A CUP OF WATER? AND I DO NOT LIKE BEING TAUNTED BY THAT COLONEL BASTARD!

Roy: Colonel Bastard, eh? We'll see about that… (Snaps fingers)

Ed: ARGH! (Hair goes on fire)

Me: (Sigh) Ed….Likes reading Playboy…

Ed: (Innocent big eyes) What's Playboy? (Al explains) WTF! I DON'T READ THOSE PERVERTED MAGAZINES! IT'S COLONEL SPARKY!

Me: Edward…Loves milk and drinks it from a cow

Ed: FOR THE LAST TIME! I HATE MILK! DAMN YOU!

Me: Ed….Has more fan boys than fan girls (No offense to Ed's fan girls)

Ed: WTF? (Faints from shock)

Me: Now you know Edward Elric…Stay tuned for the next episode of Know Your Stars: FMA Style, featuring Roy Mustang!


	2. Victim 2: Roy Mustang

Know Your Stars: FMA Style

Chapter 2 here! Go on and read!

Dedicated to: Angela

Note to Angela: See? I told you I'd feature you in my stories, even if it's cameo…

Disclaimer (Didn't do it last time): Don't own anything…

Me: Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…

Roy: Where am I and who're you?

Me: You're on TV and my identity is none of your business.

Roy: Weirdo. I thought you said that you have the pictures of Riza I wanted!

Riza: Taisa… (Points gun at his head)

Me: You can have him later, Riza.

Riza: (Lowers gun)

Me: Roy Mustang…Is secretly dating Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye!

Roy: (Blushes) Umm…uh…

Me: See? It's true! (Waves snapshots of Roy and Riza kissing in front of camera)

Roy: Where'd you get that?

Me: None of your business. Hey Angela! (Angela runs here)

Angela: Yes, Carol?

Me: Help me sell these pictures on E-Bay, please?

Angela: OK! (Runs to the nearest computer)

Me: Back to the topic. Roy…Is a Water Alchemist in disguise!

Roy: No! I'm a Flame Alchemist, you idiot! (Wears gloves and prepares to snap fingers)

Me: Shut up for a sec, will ya? You are actually on drugs and alcohol!

Roy: No! I'm not on drugs! And alcohol…

Me: See? Told you he's alcoholic, right Angela? Anyway, did you sell the pictures yet?

Angela: I can't believe it! (Sobs) How could you? I thought you were cool! And yeah, I sold the pictures already to some guy called the Full Metal Alchemist.

Roy: o.O How can you?

Me: SILENCE! You have a shrine for Elisia at home in your closet!

Roy: You bitch! I don't even like that kid!

Riza: Language, sir.

Roy: Sorry.

Elisia: (Cries) Uncle Roy! You said you liked me and that you will always lighten up when you see me! (Wails)

Roy: Did I ever say that? (Elisia wails even louder) If I did, then maybe I was drunk…

Hughes: (Flies down from heaven) You swore that you loved my daughter more than you love life!

Roy: I did?

Everyone: Yeah you did!

Me: As punishment, Roy, you're going to have to kiss Elisia and apologize sincerely. (Smirks)

Roy: (Jaw hits the ground) Chuui? I command you to kill me.

Riza: Sorry sir. I cannot accept that command.

Elisia: (Sobs) Aren't you gonna kiss me? (Puckers up)

Roy: (Reluctantly kisses her) (Vomits on a passing Ed)

Ed: WTF? Go to hell! (Punches him with auto mail arm) And I'm showing this to Havoc and the others! (Runs into Havoc) Hey Havoc! Look at the picture….(Blah, blah)

Me: This is getting out of hand…Roy Mustang: You raped Winry to humiliate Ed!

Everyone: o.O

Roy: Are you crazy? I don't even know her!

Riza: (Bursts into tears) How could you?

Roy: Riza! I didn't do that! It's just a bunch of lies!

Riza: (Runs out of the room)

Me: Roy Mustang…You wear a bra and lace panties!

Roy: I didn't, don't and won't wear women lingerie!

Me: Admit it. Even if you don't wear them, you're obsessed with them. And miniskirts, too.

Roy: But women look hot in them!

Me: So? And you transmuted Al into a gun last time!

Roy: So what?

Al: (Still in gun form) Nii-san! Please help me!

Ed: Don't worry, Al! I'm coming for ya! (Transmutes Al back into original form)

Me: Thank God.

Roy: Why did you have to transmute him back into armor, you little shrimp!

Ed: WHO'RE YOU CALLING A SHRIMP THAT CAN ONLY BE SEEN BY THE MOST ADVANCED MICROSCOPE?

Me: Now you know Roy Mustang…Stay tuned next time for Know Your Stars: FMA Style, featuring Riza Hawkeye!


	3. Victim 3: Riza Hawkeye

Know Your Stars: FMA Style

Chapter 3 here! Please stop reading my pointless notes and get a move on and review!

Warning: Features some people from Teen Titans

Dedicated to: Angela (You're still in the story, don't worry)

Me: Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…

Riza: Hey! I saw you last time!

Me: (Rolls eyes) So? Riza Hawkeye…Wore a miniskirt for Roy!

Riza: (Mutters) It was only once…

Angela: Yay! Carol! I told you they're meant to be! So kawai!

Me: Yep. Riza…Is currently dating Roy!

Riza: (Blushes) Umm…uh…

Me: See? Same answers! Yippee! (High fives Angela)

Angela and Me: Roy and Riza, sitting on a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Riza: (Blushes even harder)

Me: Riza…writes fanfiction about Robin and Raven of the Teen Titans!

Riza: So what if I do? Don't tell me you're a RobStar shipper, or I'll kill you. (Raises gun)

Me: I'M A FRICKIN' ROBRAE SHIPPER! HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME!

Robin and Raven: You called?

(Long Pause)

Me: Uh, no. But you and the others can stay.

Robin and Raven: (Shrugs and all the Titans sit in the crowd)

Angela: Calm down, Caroline, chill.

Me: (Takes deep breath) Riza…Mistreats Black Hyate!

Riza: No! I didn't!

Me: Oh yeah? What's this, eh? (Waves photo of her shooting Black Hyate in front of her face)

Riza: (Turns pale) You did something to that picture!

Me: You can do anything with Adobe Photoshop 7 Pro. (Smirks)

Angela: You need me to sell it?

Me: No, send it toGreenpeace instead.

Riza: (Horrified) No! Please, I beg of you!

Me: No use. Riza teases Ed about his height with Roy, too!

Riza: I never did!

(Ed walks in and slaps Riza)

Ed: You bitch! I thought you were the only sane one! (Stomps out)

Me: Hey Ed! Riza was the one to teach Winry how to throw her wrench at your head!

Riza: I don't even touch wrenches! (Fires a few shots, but Raven conjures up a force field and saves yours truly)

Me: Thank you Raven! (Bows) Riza Hawkeye is mentally unstable!

Riza: FOR THE LAST TIME I'M NOT MENTALLY UNSTABLE!

Me: Huh. Yeah, right. You also grew your hair 'cause you wanted to attract attention from your beloved Roy, who's currently making out with Blackfire.

Riza: Not true. And he's making out with that backstabbing moron? (Takes gun out and kills Blackfire)

Roy: I'm speechless. I just did that to make you jealous, and you kill her? I think I'm gonna faint… (Faints)

Me: Now you know Riza Hawkeye. Stay tuned for the next episode, featuring Alphonse Elric!


End file.
